With standing areas in mind, perhaps the authorities should consider issuing standing licences to season ticket supporters. These licences can be issued upon completion of a satisfactory physical test of being able to stand as well as a written theory test about standing. Perhaps an advanced test on gravity can be undertaken for those who prove to be experts at standing. Sadly, Pay At The Gate customers will have to prove they can stand for 90 minutes without gravity affecting them before being able to enter the ground.
Of course, the tests will have to be done before the change of each season. Just because you can stand without incident in the July sunshine (!!) doesn't necessarily mean you will be able to undertake such a task in much trickier rain and ice situations. Should these tests prove acceptable to Health and Safety experts perhaps we can then think about licenses entitling folks to walk or even to drink hot bovril without burning yourself. It should be noted that these licenses - as an added bonus to you, the consumer - will also enable you to enter concerts and to stand in queues at the shops, bus stations, train stations, airports and other areas without fear of being questioned by some over officious prick in a high-viz jacket.
These licences, of course, should be about half the price of a Sky Sports subscription package which is available for all those who can't be arsed standing at the football, or, indeed, might not be very good at it. It is a great way of bringing in extra much-needed money to the Scottish game.
Old Firm fans will, naturally, be given Advanced Licences without having to sit a test as they have already passed the more complex Walking License.
[/mockery of a shambolic, idiotic situation]